ANOTHER JOHN AND MIKE REVIEW: 67% Done

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‪Hi Isa
We had another discussion about your manuscript this weekend, we were wondering what your native language is just out of curiosity?
The discussion ends with mike's weapon practicing experiences, I kept it there because you might find it interesting to read.

01[16:32] Did you like what we read for today in the dragon manuscript?
[16:33] well some was good and i got excited - but then it went back to a bit boring

01[16:34] Yes it got better
[16:34] i thought the museum started good , but so many details descriptions with nothing happening

[16:34] guess what bit i found best :)

01[16:34] Yes I thought the museum trip a little too long too
01[16:35] what was that?
 [16:35] action bit of course :)

 [16:36] it was when she found she was good with the two axes :)

01[16:36] oh yes that's a good part
01[16:37] I like we are seeing some development with Elaina though the story
 [16:37] i bet she is a progeny of the old queen catherine

01[16:37] Yes I think so too
[16:37] progeny means offspring

[16:38] oh , you already knew :)

01[16:38] I guessed it :)
[16:38] and i bet she has something to do with blake

[16:39] but i hope she gets together with lucien

01[16:39] Yes I think so too she probably ends up claiming her
01[16:39] Yes Lucian is good to her
[16:40] kept in practicing :)

01[16:40] I thought that the tutoring parts being repeated was being too trivial
[16:40] there were a lot of bits that went into too many details

01[16:40] like arianne, cheng, lucian, blake and then repeated
[16:41] and it was bad grammar

01[16:41] There was some thrilling things in the beginning with Arianna putting that spell on Alaina
[16:41] but i can imagine that the ideas and thoughts and even the details would excite young girls

[16:42] i wonder if she would have killed her ?

[16:42] no - she would have been expelled

[16:42] and of course she wants lucian :)

01[16:43] Yes I think she would have cancelled the spell after Elaina suffered a bit
[16:43] i must admit - when it comes to the young girls conversations i did tend to skim a bit :)

[16:44] but i can imagine its what young girls would talk about

[16:44] and a couple of words were waaay out

01[16:44] what do you mean?
[16:44] they may be english , but not used in that capacity

[16:45] like 'chant'

01[16:45] Yes I noticed that too
[16:45] a chant is like a repeated word or sentence - often religious

[16:45] or for sports :)

01[16:45] she uses it like we would use says
[16:46] yes

[16:46] there was another word like that - sulk was used often

01[16:46] yes
[16:47] sulk means ummm kind of depressed or down thingy

 [16:48] it means she wouldn't speak to them and be down

01[16:48] yes
01[16:50] if you had the power to make some changes in the manuscript to make it better what things would you change?
[16:51] the words only

01[16:51] I mean in the story itself
[16:51] i think some of the complex details might be interesting to some

[16:51] and i think that young girls might like it

01[16:52] Well we only know what we like, what others might like we cant know
[16:52] if young girls like complex details - though maybe not too complex , just there are a lot of details

01[16:53] Yes I think it should be simpler with more action is that what you are saying too?
[16:53] i did like the section of the battle practice - but then she kept it secret - everything is kept secret

[16:53] i didn't like that

[16:53] and it got back to boring young girl stuff again :)

01[16:54] the things with Lucian is actually very good
[16:54] yes - im not sure what young girls like about detail , but i do think more action - we are 2/3 through book and not a lot except learning has happened

01[16:54] there is some feelings in it and she had made the reader interested in Lucian and wants to know how it will work out between them
[16:55] i do like how elaina doesn't like certain school subjects - i can relate :)

01[16:55] my favorite part is actually the horseback riding with Lucian it got some pulse and I could really feel Elaina in that part
[16:55] but she does seem to go on a bit and cry a lot

01[16:56] Yes she does cry a lot
01[16:56] but I think that's fine
[16:56] the horsey bit :) - i thought they would more admit their feelings during that , but no

[16:57] yes , crying is okay - just she seems to be doing a lot of not liking it and hiding tears

01[16:58] You are right but she is going though some changes on that school
01[16:58] and not everyone is nice to her
[16:58] no , but more are than her old life

01[16:59] Yes that right too she did get some friends
[16:59] the actual story has so many good features - but a lot are lost on me because i am the wrong demographic

[17:00] i did get past the atrocious english

01[17:00] I did think we saw some more good stuff in what we read for this week
[17:00] my missus asked what I am  reading now , and i said dragon gliders - for young girls :)

 [17:01] she said she thought i would be reading porn :)

01[17:01] Haha did you tell her I forced you to read it?
[17:01] no - because i volunteered :)

01[17:02] Yes you did
01[17:02] and it is not a bad book so far just unpolished
[17:02] there are so many good bits - like i can really imagine certain conversations

[17:02] just to me they are boring

01[17:03] I might like them more
[17:03] and the ideas about so many kinds of dragons

01[17:03] it does take some imagination
 [17:04] the author does need a good translator and proof reader

01[17:04] yes of cause
01[17:05] if she wanted to interest someone like you that love dragon stories but are a little older, how would she have to change it?
[17:05] but some of the phrases she comes out with i have heard - they are common slang - it seems funny she does that , but confuses standard sentences

[17:06] she couldn't i think - it shows it is aimed at young girls , and i don't think they would like bloodthirsty gore like older males

01[17:07] Well you liked some young adults books we read
[17:07] it is good you can tell who it is aimed at - it is like the author is a young girl

01[17:07] I think so too
[17:07] well those young adult books didn't seem so young to me :)

01[17:08] there is nothing bad with having teenage girls as a target group they do read a lot of books
[17:08] only if you are an older male :)

01[17:09] Yes I get it and I agree it is for a younger audience
[17:09] maybe young girls like more of the talky bit and less of the action bits

[17:09] so i cant critisice that way

[17:10] criticise - im having a bad spelling day :)

01[17:10] That can be I think it depends on what they like to read there is probably something for everyone
01[17:11] But I still think this could have interest for adults too
01[17:11] insert some more action and make the story simpler
[17:11] maybe , but it is too long developing for me

[17:11] yes - more action :0

01[17:12] less history lessons and more practice/ dragon fights maybe
[17:12] yes :)

[17:12] and there was a fair bit spent about elaina learning latin - and so far she hasn't learn any :)

01[17:13] some of it does tell a story about how Blake is or have become
[17:13] yes , we do learn a little more each 100 pages :)

01[17:13] john> I think it shows her point about he is turning evil but is not yet
[17:13] and lucien has to be his 'dent'

[17:14] i think elaina will claim blake though

01[17:14] Yes I do too
01[17:15] but I am a little unsure because I think it was in the story that the person claiming the rubicon was destined to be his lover
[17:15] see? - there is enough of a story to keep adults a bit interested at least :)

01[17:15] so that means Lucian is being pushed out is she claims Blake, oh what drama that would be
[17:15] well elaina does like the look of blake , and lucien may end up with that other sheila

01[17:16] Yes and I did like reading it more this week
01[17:16] the evil girl Arianna I think her name was
[17:16] yes - she may turn out to be nice ? :)

01[17:16] That could be
[17:17] i do hope there is more action in the last 1/3rd

01[17:18] Where did you stop reading?
[17:18] and i hope elaina actually tells people what she found - thats frustrating that she still hasnt

01[17:18] about the queen in her dreams?
[17:19] i forget - but was 66-67% on a chapter start - though i did skim the next page :)

[17:19] yes , about the queen and about the prophecy - that is even in the book so she can tell

01[17:21] I think keeping secrets is also a way to keep  the readers interest
01[17:22] it can work just as well as something thrilling happens, it can make readers keep turning the pages
[17:22] it is frustrating to the reader :)

[17:22] well i did skim ahead a little

01[17:23] Yes it can be
01[17:23]   but I think it is fine in the story
[17:23] that's a thing with practice fighting too - you cant practice death blows

01[17:23] no that would be fatal
[17:23] there are more with an axe :)

[17:24] so it is hard to practice for the real thing

01[17:24] Yes I did think that too it would be very dangerous
[17:24] there are many forms of axe fighting - nearly as many as swords - well maybe a bit under half :)

01[17:25] but I also think she wrote that earlier in the story that the outside world wouldn't understand they uses sharp weapons or something like that
01[17:25] Yes you know you tried it
[17:25] i don't know why - sharp or blunt weapons of all types been used through the ages

[17:26] as a male i tried the heavier axes too

[17:26] i want very good at :0

01[17:27] You were better at the sword fighting?
[17:27] yes

[17:27] the bastard :)

01[17:27] the bastard sword you told me about :)
[17:27] slightly larger than a one handed

01[17:28] what was it again a two handed weapon?
[17:28] both - that's why it is called a bastard :0

01[17:28] That's cool
[17:28] it is a heavier one handed , or a dextrous two handed

01[17:29] were you well enough protected to not get hurt during the trainings?
[17:30] i have also tried the rapier and its ilk , but they seem effeminate and shitty to me - you cant slice with a rapier

[17:30] ummm , yes , well... :)

[17:30] there were always bruises :)

[17:30] and in training certain blows wernt allowed

[17:31] it is hard to train in killing blows to your partner when he dies if you do it :)

01[17:31] yes it sure is
[17:31] and dummies don't fight back

01[17:32] better practice that on them then, so you don't have to replace your training partners all the time
[17:32] the swords i used in combat went sharp

[17:33] same as axes - but in axe fights you could get broken bones

01[17:33] Yes I can imagine that
[17:33] and then there are the maces :)

[17:33] they are meant to break bones :)

[17:34] extra padding for maces and axes :)

01[17:34] lol I didn't know you used maces in training
[17:34mike> the general rule was with those - all blows above the knee and below the neck

01[17:34] or was even allowed to
[17:35] with swords could bash a blokes head , but not neck

[17:35] maces and axes couldn't target heads

[17:36] i don't like maces , but i feared the axe

01[17:36] Yes I can understand that
[17:36] so i forced myself to learn a bit about

01[17:36] it got some heavy power
[17:36] axes are meant to do horrific wounds

[17:37] the easiest axe blow is the one on the shoulder

[17:38] it is harder to aim for legs and middle , but easier to bring straight down on a shoulder

 [17:39] of course you cant usually do big swings if the enemy has a sword - he will skewer you :)

 [17:40] you want them to just slice - or crush as well

[17:41] you may get away with a large axe - long handled - if you keep arcing and the reach is longer than the other blokes sword

[17:41] reach - that's where a pike comes in :)

[17:41] that has the longest reach of all :)

01[17:42] Yes I remember those
[17:42] but if somebody comes within that reach you are probably dead

[17:43] my fav weapon would probably be a pulse laser

01[17:44] I don't know that weapon
[17:44] though i think all lasers today are pulse :)

[17:44] it sure beats a continuous laser

[17:44] all the power that takes

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APRIL REVIEW - DEADLY OBSESSION by KRISTINE CAYNE

A couple of weeks ago, Kristine asked a couple of people to read Deadly Obsessions and give her our honest opinion.
My opinions are always honest and I have to say well done to this author. She is self published and to be honest I don't understand why she doesn't have an agent.
This story has gripped me immediately and the funny part is, its not usually the kind of story I will pick to take home. The way her characters are developed gets a full A+. Her description on senses and emotions are to the t as well and I will recommend this story to anyone I know.
Deadly Obsessions reminds me a lot about Steven King's Misery. Its the same scary type of stalking but without the physical abuse. Kristine is a really good story teller and she hooked me from the very first page, the latter not easily done.
How ever with the good comes the bad.
Although I really did enjoy this story, I find that there was way too many bed room scenes, which might frustrate a couple of readers, but in the same breath I have to say, her sex scenes were executed perfectly.
The other thing that I found disappointed was that I already knew who the stalker was by chapter Five. I did wish by some miracle she would twist things around and end up prove me wrong but at the end felt that he story was a bit predictable. If it was the other way around, she would had a best best seller.
Don't get me wrong though.
I do love this story and can even see it as a forth coming on the big screen. Just felt that it lack a couple of things, but that is only my opinion.
Will read another story written by her anytime and feel that one day we will see one of her books on the big screen.
Well done Kristine and keep up the good work.

Your newest fan.
Isabella W.