ANOTHER JOHN AND MIKE REVIEW: 67% Done

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‪Hi Isa
We had another discussion about your manuscript this weekend, we were wondering what your native language is just out of curiosity?
The discussion ends with mike's weapon practicing experiences, I kept it there because you might find it interesting to read.

01[16:32] Did you like what we read for today in the dragon manuscript?
[16:33] well some was good and i got excited - but then it went back to a bit boring

01[16:34] Yes it got better
[16:34] i thought the museum started good , but so many details descriptions with nothing happening

[16:34] guess what bit i found best :)

01[16:34] Yes I thought the museum trip a little too long too
01[16:35] what was that?
 [16:35] action bit of course :)

 [16:36] it was when she found she was good with the two axes :)

01[16:36] oh yes that's a good part
01[16:37] I like we are seeing some development with Elaina though the story
 [16:37] i bet she is a progeny of the old queen catherine

01[16:37] Yes I think so too
[16:37] progeny means offspring

[16:38] oh , you already knew :)

01[16:38] I guessed it :)
[16:38] and i bet she has something to do with blake

[16:39] but i hope she gets together with lucien

01[16:39] Yes I think so too she probably ends up claiming her
01[16:39] Yes Lucian is good to her
[16:40] kept in practicing :)

01[16:40] I thought that the tutoring parts being repeated was being too trivial
[16:40] there were a lot of bits that went into too many details

01[16:40] like arianne, cheng, lucian, blake and then repeated
[16:41] and it was bad grammar

01[16:41] There was some thrilling things in the beginning with Arianna putting that spell on Alaina
[16:41] but i can imagine that the ideas and thoughts and even the details would excite young girls

[16:42] i wonder if she would have killed her ?

[16:42] no - she would have been expelled

[16:42] and of course she wants lucian :)

01[16:43] Yes I think she would have cancelled the spell after Elaina suffered a bit
[16:43] i must admit - when it comes to the young girls conversations i did tend to skim a bit :)

[16:44] but i can imagine its what young girls would talk about

[16:44] and a couple of words were waaay out

01[16:44] what do you mean?
[16:44] they may be english , but not used in that capacity

[16:45] like 'chant'

01[16:45] Yes I noticed that too
[16:45] a chant is like a repeated word or sentence - often religious

[16:45] or for sports :)

01[16:45] she uses it like we would use says
[16:46] yes

[16:46] there was another word like that - sulk was used often

01[16:46] yes
[16:47] sulk means ummm kind of depressed or down thingy

 [16:48] it means she wouldn't speak to them and be down

01[16:48] yes
01[16:50] if you had the power to make some changes in the manuscript to make it better what things would you change?
[16:51] the words only

01[16:51] I mean in the story itself
[16:51] i think some of the complex details might be interesting to some

[16:51] and i think that young girls might like it

01[16:52] Well we only know what we like, what others might like we cant know
[16:52] if young girls like complex details - though maybe not too complex , just there are a lot of details

01[16:53] Yes I think it should be simpler with more action is that what you are saying too?
[16:53] i did like the section of the battle practice - but then she kept it secret - everything is kept secret

[16:53] i didn't like that

[16:53] and it got back to boring young girl stuff again :)

01[16:54] the things with Lucian is actually very good
[16:54] yes - im not sure what young girls like about detail , but i do think more action - we are 2/3 through book and not a lot except learning has happened

01[16:54] there is some feelings in it and she had made the reader interested in Lucian and wants to know how it will work out between them
[16:55] i do like how elaina doesn't like certain school subjects - i can relate :)

01[16:55] my favorite part is actually the horseback riding with Lucian it got some pulse and I could really feel Elaina in that part
[16:55] but she does seem to go on a bit and cry a lot

01[16:56] Yes she does cry a lot
01[16:56] but I think that's fine
[16:56] the horsey bit :) - i thought they would more admit their feelings during that , but no

[16:57] yes , crying is okay - just she seems to be doing a lot of not liking it and hiding tears

01[16:58] You are right but she is going though some changes on that school
01[16:58] and not everyone is nice to her
[16:58] no , but more are than her old life

01[16:59] Yes that right too she did get some friends
[16:59] the actual story has so many good features - but a lot are lost on me because i am the wrong demographic

[17:00] i did get past the atrocious english

01[17:00] I did think we saw some more good stuff in what we read for this week
[17:00] my missus asked what I am  reading now , and i said dragon gliders - for young girls :)

 [17:01] she said she thought i would be reading porn :)

01[17:01] Haha did you tell her I forced you to read it?
[17:01] no - because i volunteered :)

01[17:02] Yes you did
01[17:02] and it is not a bad book so far just unpolished
[17:02] there are so many good bits - like i can really imagine certain conversations

[17:02] just to me they are boring

01[17:03] I might like them more
[17:03] and the ideas about so many kinds of dragons

01[17:03] it does take some imagination
 [17:04] the author does need a good translator and proof reader

01[17:04] yes of cause
01[17:05] if she wanted to interest someone like you that love dragon stories but are a little older, how would she have to change it?
[17:05] but some of the phrases she comes out with i have heard - they are common slang - it seems funny she does that , but confuses standard sentences

[17:06] she couldn't i think - it shows it is aimed at young girls , and i don't think they would like bloodthirsty gore like older males

01[17:07] Well you liked some young adults books we read
[17:07] it is good you can tell who it is aimed at - it is like the author is a young girl

01[17:07] I think so too
[17:07] well those young adult books didn't seem so young to me :)

01[17:08] there is nothing bad with having teenage girls as a target group they do read a lot of books
[17:08] only if you are an older male :)

01[17:09] Yes I get it and I agree it is for a younger audience
[17:09] maybe young girls like more of the talky bit and less of the action bits

[17:09] so i cant critisice that way

[17:10] criticise - im having a bad spelling day :)

01[17:10] That can be I think it depends on what they like to read there is probably something for everyone
01[17:11] But I still think this could have interest for adults too
01[17:11] insert some more action and make the story simpler
[17:11] maybe , but it is too long developing for me

[17:11] yes - more action :0

01[17:12] less history lessons and more practice/ dragon fights maybe
[17:12] yes :)

[17:12] and there was a fair bit spent about elaina learning latin - and so far she hasn't learn any :)

01[17:13] some of it does tell a story about how Blake is or have become
[17:13] yes , we do learn a little more each 100 pages :)

01[17:13] john> I think it shows her point about he is turning evil but is not yet
[17:13] and lucien has to be his 'dent'

[17:14] i think elaina will claim blake though

01[17:14] Yes I do too
01[17:15] but I am a little unsure because I think it was in the story that the person claiming the rubicon was destined to be his lover
[17:15] see? - there is enough of a story to keep adults a bit interested at least :)

01[17:15] so that means Lucian is being pushed out is she claims Blake, oh what drama that would be
[17:15] well elaina does like the look of blake , and lucien may end up with that other sheila

01[17:16] Yes and I did like reading it more this week
01[17:16] the evil girl Arianna I think her name was
[17:16] yes - she may turn out to be nice ? :)

01[17:16] That could be
[17:17] i do hope there is more action in the last 1/3rd

01[17:18] Where did you stop reading?
[17:18] and i hope elaina actually tells people what she found - thats frustrating that she still hasnt

01[17:18] about the queen in her dreams?
[17:19] i forget - but was 66-67% on a chapter start - though i did skim the next page :)

[17:19] yes , about the queen and about the prophecy - that is even in the book so she can tell

01[17:21] I think keeping secrets is also a way to keep  the readers interest
01[17:22] it can work just as well as something thrilling happens, it can make readers keep turning the pages
[17:22] it is frustrating to the reader :)

[17:22] well i did skim ahead a little

01[17:23] Yes it can be
01[17:23]   but I think it is fine in the story
[17:23] that's a thing with practice fighting too - you cant practice death blows

01[17:23] no that would be fatal
[17:23] there are more with an axe :)

[17:24] so it is hard to practice for the real thing

01[17:24] Yes I did think that too it would be very dangerous
[17:24] there are many forms of axe fighting - nearly as many as swords - well maybe a bit under half :)

01[17:25] but I also think she wrote that earlier in the story that the outside world wouldn't understand they uses sharp weapons or something like that
01[17:25] Yes you know you tried it
[17:25] i don't know why - sharp or blunt weapons of all types been used through the ages

[17:26] as a male i tried the heavier axes too

[17:26] i want very good at :0

01[17:27] You were better at the sword fighting?
[17:27] yes

[17:27] the bastard :)

01[17:27] the bastard sword you told me about :)
[17:27] slightly larger than a one handed

01[17:28] what was it again a two handed weapon?
[17:28] both - that's why it is called a bastard :0

01[17:28] That's cool
[17:28] it is a heavier one handed , or a dextrous two handed

01[17:29] were you well enough protected to not get hurt during the trainings?
[17:30] i have also tried the rapier and its ilk , but they seem effeminate and shitty to me - you cant slice with a rapier

[17:30] ummm , yes , well... :)

[17:30] there were always bruises :)

[17:30] and in training certain blows wernt allowed

[17:31] it is hard to train in killing blows to your partner when he dies if you do it :)

01[17:31] yes it sure is
[17:31] and dummies don't fight back

01[17:32] better practice that on them then, so you don't have to replace your training partners all the time
[17:32] the swords i used in combat went sharp

[17:33] same as axes - but in axe fights you could get broken bones

01[17:33] Yes I can imagine that
[17:33] and then there are the maces :)

[17:33] they are meant to break bones :)

[17:34] extra padding for maces and axes :)

01[17:34] lol I didn't know you used maces in training
[17:34mike> the general rule was with those - all blows above the knee and below the neck

01[17:34] or was even allowed to
[17:35] with swords could bash a blokes head , but not neck

[17:35] maces and axes couldn't target heads

[17:36] i don't like maces , but i feared the axe

01[17:36] Yes I can understand that
[17:36] so i forced myself to learn a bit about

01[17:36] it got some heavy power
[17:36] axes are meant to do horrific wounds

[17:37] the easiest axe blow is the one on the shoulder

[17:38] it is harder to aim for legs and middle , but easier to bring straight down on a shoulder

 [17:39] of course you cant usually do big swings if the enemy has a sword - he will skewer you :)

 [17:40] you want them to just slice - or crush as well

[17:41] you may get away with a large axe - long handled - if you keep arcing and the reach is longer than the other blokes sword

[17:41] reach - that's where a pike comes in :)

[17:41] that has the longest reach of all :)

01[17:42] Yes I remember those
[17:42] but if somebody comes within that reach you are probably dead

[17:43] my fav weapon would probably be a pulse laser

01[17:44] I don't know that weapon
[17:44] though i think all lasers today are pulse :)

[17:44] it sure beats a continuous laser

[17:44] all the power that takes

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